Hello everyone,
Thank you for once again reading my blog. It has been some time since I last updated, however with school coming just around the corner, I will definitely be on this weekly. I hope those of you reading this are in high spirits and are enjoying life, and that this note brings joy and hope to your life, as writing it does for me.
Though it appeared to be so far away, school is right at my doorstep. It has come so much faster than I thought it would, and though I should not have been so surprised, it has caught me totally off guard. What happened to the summer? I had a lot of plans for this summer. I went on two missions trips, and I have been working for the majority of the summer outside of those trips. It just flew by. Gone are those days where I said I would relax, and gone are the other days where I said I would go and do other things. Where has it all gone? How did it disappear from my sight when I was so focused on it? However it managed to pass me by, the fact of the matter is that now I have my sights set on what is ahead. And this week, this week is the 11th hour for me.
This week begins the full plunge into this adventure called school. Thursday is the day my first semester's funds are due, and I am staying faithful that things will work out, whether immediately or by some way of the future. My full intention is to pay for school 100%. I have struggled a lot with fear and doubt in some of this process. There are times where I actually have asked if God really cared about me. Why won't He just work things out for me? Why do I have to wait and wait? Doesn't He care about me and what I want? Doesn't He know of everything I have to do? So many questions flooded my mind, and many still do. It has taken some great patience and some even greater practice (with a lot of failures along the way) to understand that He truly does care about me, but not necessarily about what I want. And that is okay. In Matthew, Jesus describes the birds of the air not reaping and the flowers of the field not spinning and yet they are fed and clothed, and how much more are we than they! He says do not worry about what we will eat or wear because our Heavenly Father knows we need such things. He says to seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all this will be given to you. God knows what I need! Maybe I need some money to pay for school, and if it is His will He will make that happen. Maybe what is right for me and what I need is to end up not going to school, and if that is His will, He will make that happen. I have grown to accept that what I want and what I think God is opening for me may not actually be what He wants for me. My job is to weigh everything by scripture, and to be obedient to what He sets in front of me. I cannot say I have walked that perfectly in this process. I know there are things I could have done differently and could have done better and could have avoided. Within me is the notion that I tried to do everything with my hands open and not closed. I have tried to not walk in life concerned only for what I need to get where I want to go. Is that righteous? Is that for His kingdom? Many things are so uncertain to me, I do not know exactly whether or not the things I do would be considered right, or best. But I must learn from the past and then move on, striving for what is in front of me.
After this week I will focus on getting my books squared away and my housing and other miscellaneous school things taken care of. There is a lot of uncertainty in these things, I am hopeful that everything goes smoothly and turns out exactly the way it should. I am trying to be mindful of how God is working in all this, and how I can credit all that He does to Him. It will be nothing short of a miracle of God if on September 3rd I walk into class at Simpson University. Not only because of what will happen from now until then, but because of what He has done before this point. I have been given a second chance. I must learn to be faithful with what He has given me. What is mine is ultimately His, and nothing that I am given is for me to hold onto for myself, whether in knowledge or encouragement, whether in money or in possessions. And so my encouragement out of this is to know that God is working. Oh boy is He working.
I have been reading in Isaiah and John the last few weeks, and one of the craziest things to think about is how God can and work in all people, regardless of whether one honors Him or not, and He can do it at any time to any end in order to further His glory and His plan. How crazy! Isaiah talks about God calling Cyrus His "shepherd," giving him an honorable mention and an honorable place in His plan, even though Cyrus did not believe in the God of Israel and did not acknowledge and honor Him. Yet he was used to place Israel back where they were supposed to be, setting the stage for the days when Jesus would come along, out of God's people and out of God's given promised land. All this from Isaiah in conjunction with Jesus being who He was, our Lord and Savior, and learning to walk like Him in faith, and abiding within Him has really challenged me in the way of my thinking. Christ has overcome the world! How can I be in fear and not abide in Him? These are things I will need to hold onto, especially as I transition to school. It will be a long, tough journey. There will be trials, there will be temptations, there will be joy, there will be sorrow, there will be success, and there will be failure. In all things I must look to Jesus, abiding in His love, and being obedient and steadfast in Him. He has paid a price for me, I am to be His and to die daily for Him.
Please continue to pray for my transition, for things to work according to the will of the Lord, and for me to hold fast to these things and to teach others these things. I trust that God will use my circumstances for His glory, that when people see what happens to me whether good or bad that they will glorify God. Thank you for your love and prayers and support. I will return to this soon with another update.
May God's peace rest upon you, and may you be filled with His love and grace.
-J
Monday, August 12, 2013
Monday, April 29, 2013
Hey everyone, just an update, I am having a fantastic (or not) time trying to get scholarships together and also finalizing registration.
There have been some kinks with registration, as I needed some documents that I did not realize I would need, and I am having trouble locating them, but I have made some progress toward that. The issue I have is that I do not want to get registered so late that I lose my spot in classes that I need. Please keep me in prayer through this process, not only financially (and also please pray about helping out if you can!) but also through the registration process, and also in the process of transition that I am going through right now at home. Thank you all for your prayers and support. I would like to give a special shout out to Michelle Curtis, aka Shelly, my birth mother, who has always managed to look out and keep tabs on me, because she cares with the love of God! Thank you Shelly!
May God give you all peace and blessings out of the abundance of His love.
-J
There have been some kinks with registration, as I needed some documents that I did not realize I would need, and I am having trouble locating them, but I have made some progress toward that. The issue I have is that I do not want to get registered so late that I lose my spot in classes that I need. Please keep me in prayer through this process, not only financially (and also please pray about helping out if you can!) but also through the registration process, and also in the process of transition that I am going through right now at home. Thank you all for your prayers and support. I would like to give a special shout out to Michelle Curtis, aka Shelly, my birth mother, who has always managed to look out and keep tabs on me, because she cares with the love of God! Thank you Shelly!
May God give you all peace and blessings out of the abundance of His love.
-J
Monday, April 15, 2013
Sifting, sifting, sifting...
Greetings to all who read, and my gratitude for your prayers and considerations.
This week is another week of the chaotic mess that is involved during the spring and summer before going to a college. It is a time where registration happens, scholarships (can) happen, various other types of forms happen, and with all this?
A lot of sifting.
I have realized that the number of things one has to do in order to get this whole school thing figured out depends on how much you are willing to sift through. The seemingly endless forms that pile up for school registration have to be sifted through for every little detail so that there are no surprises when you get to school. The scholarships you are applying for have to be sifted through to verify the legitimacy of the so-called "offers" that are advertized. Many of the scholarships out there are nothing more than endless pages of advertizements and "special offers" that really don't offer you more than a headache. The rest of the scholarships are literally crap-shoots that are random at best and exclusive at worst. I suppose that if I didn't at least try, then I deserve to not get anything anyway.
I am hard at work trying every possible avenue to pay for school, knowing in faith that God will provide, whether at the beginning of school in donation and scholarship or at the end of school via a career which will pay it off. No matter which scenario, or any in between, I know that God will provide it, or He will make it obvious that I should not go.
This, however, does not entail my laziness. No, instead, I must work hard, knowing full well that my efforts may be in vain. Along with working at my job (which, oddly enough, begins offering fewer hours right when I need more hours), I am seeking out other employment opportunities as well, with little to no success (to this point at least!).
Registration is coming about, I am going to register a vehicle, for housing and classes, along with some forms that are asking medical information, emergency contacts, etc. It's all quite tedious stuff. But work away I must! Please continue to pray for me in this process.
I thank you all for your support of me, and I pray that I will best display the love that God has through this process, at school, and forever.
May God bless you and give you peace.
-J
This week is another week of the chaotic mess that is involved during the spring and summer before going to a college. It is a time where registration happens, scholarships (can) happen, various other types of forms happen, and with all this?
A lot of sifting.
I have realized that the number of things one has to do in order to get this whole school thing figured out depends on how much you are willing to sift through. The seemingly endless forms that pile up for school registration have to be sifted through for every little detail so that there are no surprises when you get to school. The scholarships you are applying for have to be sifted through to verify the legitimacy of the so-called "offers" that are advertized. Many of the scholarships out there are nothing more than endless pages of advertizements and "special offers" that really don't offer you more than a headache. The rest of the scholarships are literally crap-shoots that are random at best and exclusive at worst. I suppose that if I didn't at least try, then I deserve to not get anything anyway.
I am hard at work trying every possible avenue to pay for school, knowing in faith that God will provide, whether at the beginning of school in donation and scholarship or at the end of school via a career which will pay it off. No matter which scenario, or any in between, I know that God will provide it, or He will make it obvious that I should not go.
This, however, does not entail my laziness. No, instead, I must work hard, knowing full well that my efforts may be in vain. Along with working at my job (which, oddly enough, begins offering fewer hours right when I need more hours), I am seeking out other employment opportunities as well, with little to no success (to this point at least!).
Registration is coming about, I am going to register a vehicle, for housing and classes, along with some forms that are asking medical information, emergency contacts, etc. It's all quite tedious stuff. But work away I must! Please continue to pray for me in this process.
I thank you all for your support of me, and I pray that I will best display the love that God has through this process, at school, and forever.
May God bless you and give you peace.
-J
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
In Limbo
Hello viewers and followers!
So, to start, I must make some clarifications.
I actually was ignorant to the fact that there are multiple universities with the name "Simpson," therefore it was not within my mind to clarify as to which college it actually was. However, now that I have been informed that there actually are multiple schools out there, I am here to tell you that the college I am attending is Simpson University in Redding, CA.
Redding is about three and a half hours north from my present location in Manteca. A private Christian-founded university, Simpson was on my radar when I first graduated high school, though I did not end up attending for personal (and also stupid) reasons. It is funny, because now I view my attendance of Simpson to be a sort of "unfinished business," one which I am most happy to complete.
I have been asked to talk about how I came to this point in my education. I suppose to start, I will go ahead and say that I am thankful that it is truly never too late to pursue an education, and I am extremely thankful to a God that gives second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth...... and so on.... chances. Coming out of high school, I thought about going to school to be a psychologist. At that time in my life, I (admittedly) had a big head in that I thought I was really good at understanding people. People's minds were wonderlands for me, and I loved talking to people and picking their brains, just to understand why people acted the way they did. I thought to myself, "oh, psychology would be super easy for me!"
To awaken myself to my ignorance (and arrogance), came my first semester at Modesto Junior College. I had not taken action in my last two years of high school to look for colleges and begin applying to them, and since I was homeschooled I didn't have the benefit of a guidance counselor popping into a classroom every so often to serve as a reminder, so I was ill-prepared for the concept of applying to colleges up to a year in advance (which would come back to haunt me in my later years). Hence, I applied and was accepted to Modesto Junior College (a feat which was not actually very big because I found out everyone gets accepted to Junior Colleges).
Anyway, my first class ever at MJC was Psych 101. What a wake-up call! You mean to say that Psychologists have to do experiments and do a lot of writing and have to study this crazy guy named Freud? I thought we just talked to people! Well, my 18 year old self was suprised by this. Not that I didn't like and appreciate psychology; I simply did not want to do all that work! I kept taking psychology classes, but I began to look into a few other fields which may be cool as well (with less writing!). I looked slightly into computers, but realized how much math was necessary, so obviously I couldn't do that! I looked into meteorology in my third and fourth semesters, but once again, math proved to be my obstacle. Actually, I didn't know it, but it was actually a complacency and a lack of drive that was beginning to creep into my life. I wanted things to serve me, without me having to do any legwork. Not including a relationship happening which was hurting my growth more than helping it (in which I made many a bad decisions), I simply was just at school because I felt I should be, and my attendence and grades showed that.
Then a funny thing happened. Everything is great and comfortable, and then it all goes away. My dad lost his job and before I knew it, they were going to be moving to China. WHAT?! China? You mean that I had to go to China, or find a way to make it so I could stay in the states? What a transition. My brother and I stayed back, while the other five members of my family trecked into China for what would end up being about two years.
I learned to be on my own, and for a long time I was enjoying it. Being a lone wolf was something I always strived to be, and I was proud of myself for how I could work 40 hours per week, make rent and utilities, still be able to have fun and be involved with things, and still have a little left over just in case. As I degraded myself into a more robotic service to God that involved less and less of my whole heart, so did my decision making and my priority, namely with school. School was something I went to when I felt like it and when I didn't have something else that seemed more important. I was making bad relational choices (or non-relational maybe?) and just living to live.
Then I had a few times where I felt something was so wrong. Did I really believe what I said I believed? For weeks at a time I would have restless nights and days where I would just come back to my apartment and lay down all afternoon. If it wasn't that, I would fill my days with things to do so that I would not have to stop and think.
So, amongst all the things I could spend time talking about, I will skip to the day I sat at my desk in my room, thinking about what I was doing with my life. I felt the Spirit tugging me, and I thought of my passion for high school and junior high students. I thought through how I wanted so dearly to live a life worthy that they would want to model, that I wanted them to learn to love God, that I wanted them to not end up living the way I had been, with chaos and without peace. And calmly I said to myself "your place isn't in the church doing ministry. It is outside the church doing ministry." I was baffled at this, and pondered for hours what that would mean. Eventually, I realized the call to teach. It scared me to death, because I always thought I was a bad teacher at whatever I would try to teach. But even though I was scared, it felt so right. Teach.
So my mission from then on? Go to school to become a teacher.
Fast forward to the last year. My classes that I took one and two at a time to get the rest of my general ed out of the way (toward a teaching degree and credential) were being finished, and unfortunately my previous ignorance of what college application processes require would cause me to have to delay my transfer to fall 2013. I have no classes I can take that will count further for me, the rest of my classes will be upper division. This leaves me in a state of limbo right now. Working to attempt to save some money to have to pay for college (while going through some odd financial circumstances at home), while staying involved in the church body, and trying to figure out how in the world all this is going to happen. I have a lot to accomplish in the next few months, with helping my siblings find a residence, myself finding a place to hop for the summer, getting all our stuff moved and getting out of our rental, getting classes registered, and finding the money to pay for college. Sprinkle in a couple missions trips and I have a busy summer ahead of me.
Now, some might say, if I am trying to save money and go to college, why would I go on missions trips, thereby taking away money and opportunities to work and make money?
The answer is simple. This isn't about me. I will not store up treasures for myself on this earth. Instead, one of the amazing things about the last couple years, and especially this last year, is my understanding of God's love. I have a mission to pour myself out unconditionally before God and to all people. Everyone deserves to know God's love the way it has been revealed to me. And I have the opportunity to go and tell people that. How could I forego doing what God commands us (Matthew 28:18-20) and instead pursue something that is about me? God will provide all things. I must first seek His kingdom and His righteousness.
So, here I am now, in a sort of limbo, awaiting the end of August, when a new chapter of my life begins.
Thank you for reading,
May God bless you and give you peace.
-J
So, to start, I must make some clarifications.
I actually was ignorant to the fact that there are multiple universities with the name "Simpson," therefore it was not within my mind to clarify as to which college it actually was. However, now that I have been informed that there actually are multiple schools out there, I am here to tell you that the college I am attending is Simpson University in Redding, CA.
Redding is about three and a half hours north from my present location in Manteca. A private Christian-founded university, Simpson was on my radar when I first graduated high school, though I did not end up attending for personal (and also stupid) reasons. It is funny, because now I view my attendance of Simpson to be a sort of "unfinished business," one which I am most happy to complete.
I have been asked to talk about how I came to this point in my education. I suppose to start, I will go ahead and say that I am thankful that it is truly never too late to pursue an education, and I am extremely thankful to a God that gives second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth...... and so on.... chances. Coming out of high school, I thought about going to school to be a psychologist. At that time in my life, I (admittedly) had a big head in that I thought I was really good at understanding people. People's minds were wonderlands for me, and I loved talking to people and picking their brains, just to understand why people acted the way they did. I thought to myself, "oh, psychology would be super easy for me!"
To awaken myself to my ignorance (and arrogance), came my first semester at Modesto Junior College. I had not taken action in my last two years of high school to look for colleges and begin applying to them, and since I was homeschooled I didn't have the benefit of a guidance counselor popping into a classroom every so often to serve as a reminder, so I was ill-prepared for the concept of applying to colleges up to a year in advance (which would come back to haunt me in my later years). Hence, I applied and was accepted to Modesto Junior College (a feat which was not actually very big because I found out everyone gets accepted to Junior Colleges).
Anyway, my first class ever at MJC was Psych 101. What a wake-up call! You mean to say that Psychologists have to do experiments and do a lot of writing and have to study this crazy guy named Freud? I thought we just talked to people! Well, my 18 year old self was suprised by this. Not that I didn't like and appreciate psychology; I simply did not want to do all that work! I kept taking psychology classes, but I began to look into a few other fields which may be cool as well (with less writing!). I looked slightly into computers, but realized how much math was necessary, so obviously I couldn't do that! I looked into meteorology in my third and fourth semesters, but once again, math proved to be my obstacle. Actually, I didn't know it, but it was actually a complacency and a lack of drive that was beginning to creep into my life. I wanted things to serve me, without me having to do any legwork. Not including a relationship happening which was hurting my growth more than helping it (in which I made many a bad decisions), I simply was just at school because I felt I should be, and my attendence and grades showed that.
Then a funny thing happened. Everything is great and comfortable, and then it all goes away. My dad lost his job and before I knew it, they were going to be moving to China. WHAT?! China? You mean that I had to go to China, or find a way to make it so I could stay in the states? What a transition. My brother and I stayed back, while the other five members of my family trecked into China for what would end up being about two years.
I learned to be on my own, and for a long time I was enjoying it. Being a lone wolf was something I always strived to be, and I was proud of myself for how I could work 40 hours per week, make rent and utilities, still be able to have fun and be involved with things, and still have a little left over just in case. As I degraded myself into a more robotic service to God that involved less and less of my whole heart, so did my decision making and my priority, namely with school. School was something I went to when I felt like it and when I didn't have something else that seemed more important. I was making bad relational choices (or non-relational maybe?) and just living to live.
Then I had a few times where I felt something was so wrong. Did I really believe what I said I believed? For weeks at a time I would have restless nights and days where I would just come back to my apartment and lay down all afternoon. If it wasn't that, I would fill my days with things to do so that I would not have to stop and think.
So, amongst all the things I could spend time talking about, I will skip to the day I sat at my desk in my room, thinking about what I was doing with my life. I felt the Spirit tugging me, and I thought of my passion for high school and junior high students. I thought through how I wanted so dearly to live a life worthy that they would want to model, that I wanted them to learn to love God, that I wanted them to not end up living the way I had been, with chaos and without peace. And calmly I said to myself "your place isn't in the church doing ministry. It is outside the church doing ministry." I was baffled at this, and pondered for hours what that would mean. Eventually, I realized the call to teach. It scared me to death, because I always thought I was a bad teacher at whatever I would try to teach. But even though I was scared, it felt so right. Teach.
So my mission from then on? Go to school to become a teacher.
Fast forward to the last year. My classes that I took one and two at a time to get the rest of my general ed out of the way (toward a teaching degree and credential) were being finished, and unfortunately my previous ignorance of what college application processes require would cause me to have to delay my transfer to fall 2013. I have no classes I can take that will count further for me, the rest of my classes will be upper division. This leaves me in a state of limbo right now. Working to attempt to save some money to have to pay for college (while going through some odd financial circumstances at home), while staying involved in the church body, and trying to figure out how in the world all this is going to happen. I have a lot to accomplish in the next few months, with helping my siblings find a residence, myself finding a place to hop for the summer, getting all our stuff moved and getting out of our rental, getting classes registered, and finding the money to pay for college. Sprinkle in a couple missions trips and I have a busy summer ahead of me.
Now, some might say, if I am trying to save money and go to college, why would I go on missions trips, thereby taking away money and opportunities to work and make money?
The answer is simple. This isn't about me. I will not store up treasures for myself on this earth. Instead, one of the amazing things about the last couple years, and especially this last year, is my understanding of God's love. I have a mission to pour myself out unconditionally before God and to all people. Everyone deserves to know God's love the way it has been revealed to me. And I have the opportunity to go and tell people that. How could I forego doing what God commands us (Matthew 28:18-20) and instead pursue something that is about me? God will provide all things. I must first seek His kingdom and His righteousness.
So, here I am now, in a sort of limbo, awaiting the end of August, when a new chapter of my life begins.
Thank you for reading,
May God bless you and give you peace.
-J
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
Welcome to my Blog!
Hello everyone! Welcome to my personal blog! I hope that this will be a good avenue for me to talk about what is going on with my life, and also for you all to stay up to date on what is going on in my life. I will make an attempt to post to this occasionally. Thank you for reading!
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