The Eleventh Hour

Hello everyone,

Thank you for once again reading my blog.  It has been some time since I last updated, however with school coming just around the corner, I will definitely be on this weekly.  I hope those of you reading this are in high spirits and are enjoying life, and that this note brings joy and hope to your life, as writing it does for me.

Though it appeared to be so far away, school is right at my doorstep.  It has come so much faster than I thought it would, and though I should not have been so surprised, it has caught me totally off guard.  What happened to the summer? I had a lot of plans for this summer.  I went on two missions trips, and I have been working for the majority of the summer outside of those trips.  It just flew by.  Gone are those days where I said I would relax, and gone are the other days where I said I would go and do other things. Where has it all gone?  How did it disappear from my sight when I was so focused on it?  However it managed to pass me by, the fact of the matter is that now I have my sights set on what is ahead.  And this week, this week is the 11th hour for me.

This week begins the full plunge into this adventure called school.  Thursday is the day my first semester's funds are due, and I am staying faithful that things will work out, whether immediately or by some way of the future.  My full intention is to pay for school 100%.  I have struggled a lot with fear and doubt in some of this process.  There are times where I actually have asked if God really cared about me.  Why won't He just work things out for me?  Why do I have to wait and wait?  Doesn't He care about me and what I want?  Doesn't He know of everything I have to do?  So many questions flooded my mind, and many still do.  It has taken some great patience and some even greater practice (with a lot of failures along the way) to understand that He truly does care about me, but not necessarily about what I want.  And that is okay.  In Matthew, Jesus describes the birds of the air not reaping and the flowers of the field not spinning and yet they are fed and clothed, and how much more are we than they!  He says do not worry about what we will eat or wear because our Heavenly Father knows we need such things.  He says to seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all this will be given to you.  God knows what I need!  Maybe I need some money to pay for school, and if it is His will He will make that happen.  Maybe what is right for me and what I need is to end up not going to school, and if that is His will, He will make that happen.  I have grown to accept that what I want and what I think God is opening for me may not actually be what He wants for me.  My job is to weigh everything by scripture, and to be obedient to what He sets in front of me.  I cannot say I have walked that perfectly in this process.  I know there are things I could have done differently and could have done better and could have avoided.  Within me is the notion that I tried to do everything with my hands open and not closed.  I have tried to not walk in life concerned only for what I need to get where I want to go.  Is that righteous? Is that for His kingdom?  Many things are so uncertain to me, I do not know exactly whether or not the things I do would be considered right, or best.  But I must learn from the past and then move on, striving for what is in front of me.

After this week I will focus on getting my books squared away and my housing and other miscellaneous school things taken care of.  There is a lot of uncertainty in these things, I am hopeful that everything goes smoothly and turns out exactly the way it should.  I am trying to be mindful of how God is working in all this, and how I can credit all that He does to Him.  It will be nothing short of a miracle of God if on September 3rd I walk into class at Simpson University.  Not only because of what will happen from now until then, but because of what He has done before this point.  I have been given a second chance.  I must learn to be faithful with what He has given me.  What is mine is ultimately His, and nothing that I am given is for me to hold onto for myself, whether in knowledge or encouragement, whether in money or in possessions.  And so my encouragement out of this is to know that God is working.  Oh boy is He working.

I have been reading in Isaiah and John the last few weeks, and one of the craziest things to think about is how God can and work in all people, regardless of whether one honors Him or not, and He can do it at any time to any end in order to further His glory and His plan.  How crazy!  Isaiah talks about God calling Cyrus His "shepherd," giving him an honorable mention and an honorable place in His plan, even though Cyrus did not believe in the God of Israel and did not acknowledge and honor Him.  Yet he was used to place Israel back where they were supposed to be, setting the stage for the days when Jesus would come along, out of God's people and out of God's given promised land.  All this from Isaiah in conjunction with Jesus being who He was, our Lord and Savior, and learning to walk like Him in faith, and abiding within Him has really challenged me in the way of my thinking.  Christ has overcome the world!  How can I be in fear and not abide in Him?  These are things I will need to hold onto, especially as I transition to school.  It will be a long, tough journey.  There will be trials, there will be temptations, there will be joy, there will be sorrow, there will be success, and there will be failure.  In all things I must look to Jesus, abiding in His love, and being obedient and steadfast in Him.  He has paid a price for me, I am to be His and to die daily for Him.

Please continue to pray for my transition, for things to work according to the will of the Lord, and for me to hold fast to these things and to teach others these things.  I trust that God will use my circumstances for His glory, that when people see what happens to me whether good or bad that they will glorify God.  Thank you for your love and prayers and support.  I will return to this soon with another update.

May God's peace rest upon you, and may you be filled with His love and grace. 

-J