Where we ought not go

Hello everyone, I thank you for reading this, and I apologize for being a bit late on this. I pray that this blog post finds you well and filled with joy and peace.

Tonight, I sit in the living room of a friend's house that I am house sitting at (sort of). I have had ample time to sit and reflect on the previous few weeks, and I have done my best to relax from the rigors of the previous semester. The Christmas break has seen a bit of adventure, a lot of awesome workings by God, tremendous opportunities, traditions, and a lot of friends. When I returned home for Winter break on December 12, my mind was filled with many questions, the likes of which still have not fully been answered. I wrote before of my struggle and of the way in which I challenged God and myself, and at how God was already beginning to respond to me. Throughout the break, I have learned to be content with what has been in front of me, and to take things one step at a time, and that there is a time for everything, for mourning, for joy, for anger and for laughter. God has been working in some really cool ways, and in other ways He has been ever silent. As I sit and reflect on these past weeks, I hold a sense of peace yet also I feel the anxiety of another semester creeping within.

I always knew this would be the toughest year of the two I would spend at Simpson. So much uncertainty about money, work, etc., and not a lot of wiggling room to spare. I thought that the first semester would be the tougher one, since I was unsure of which Justin would show up to school, in an academic sense. I was unsure of how I would adjust to living in a dorm away from where I wanted to be. Turns out, I didn't fare so badly. I stayed on top of my homework, and I only missed a few classes (due to a wedding, and one due to sickness). As a result, in my six classes, I got all A's and an A- for a semester GPA of 3.982. Haha, that darn A- grade. Anyways, the thing I feared most has ended up not being the worst thing I've dealt with. I am confident that I will carry on my grades to the next semester. So, instead of academics being a primary concern, it is actually how I will pay for it. The first semester was full of blessings as many people and circumstances came through by God to pay the semester. I knew that I would have to go payment by payment for this Spring 2014 semester. Under normal circumstances, Semester payments are due in full on the 15th of the month before the semester begins. I was unsure of this until recently. Long story short, I made a call telling the school I would not be able to make the first of four monthly installments on time on Dec. 15. Truth is, I still haven't made the payment, and now we are into January, with another installment just thirteen days away. With classes resuming on the 7th, there is no way I will get around this one. Somehow, nobody has called me, nobody has emailed me. Nobody representing the school has come after me for the money. This has to be some sort of act of God's favor, cause when money is involved, there is always someone eager to collect. Too bad I couldn't hold off til the end of the semester. If only I could get through this semester, I would be okay. I know it. I am confident that I will be able to make it next year. I have to. Getting there is the issue. Pray that God will provide.

And here's the flip side of this: I am trying to go on this missions trip still? As of late, many have contributed, and I am so grateful for that. God has used His people to provide for that, and so it is funny how I remain nervous about not having what I need. I suppose I wonder if I am doing the right thing because I am having such trouble paying for school, how could I just try to do something like this? My dad began using a phrase when talking to me, which he found in some book that goes something like this:

"Don't forget in the darkness what you have seen in the light."

It is a funny thing that people do, that I do. If you put a piece of paper down on a table and turn the light off, you can rest assured that when you turn that light back on, the paper will still be there. In the same way, when God speaks to you and shows you something, you can be darn sure that what He said and showed you is still true when He is silent. When you are presented with two paths and one is lighted and the other is dark, why would you venture into the darkness? Why would you go where you shouldn't? Yet, this is who we are... this is who I am. We are reckless, persistent, stubborn human beings. It is our God complex. One of the greatest things about this break has been that I have not had to think about any of the problems of the future. But, as I reflect, I realize that in my eagerness to not think about things, I have not actually grown or learned. I am ashamed to say that. But I seek God's grace and love in this, and I pray that I may know more the love which covers all things. Please pray that I will become more aware of God's love in my life.

I have been fighting sickness the last few weeks, but I think it is finally going away. It has been a rough go for myself and for many others as well. Nothing was worse than the week of finals, which I believe I described in my previous entry. Still, it was tough to get through all the gross feeling. Hopefully it will be a long time before I get sick again. Please pray for my health and for strength and endurance for the next few months.

I had the awesome opportunity to co-lead worship at Calvary this past Sunday, and I will do so again this Sunday. It is encouraging and such a privilege to do such a thing with my church family, and it is also encouraging to hear positive things and that God uses me. I am excited for this Sunday, and I hope that the praises to God will overflow from our congregation, this time by music. It is a privilege to be able to give myself, give what I have, to the body. One of the hardest things about being away was that with no money and no resources, I have not much to give, and so I have taken a lot of value in being able to give what I do have: time, knowledge, wisdom, music. Thanks be to God, for the grace to be able to do this.

Now, the holidays were excellent. I got to spend a week in Arizona with my parents before returning with them to Manteca, where we got to spend another five days together. We got to have a great Christmas celebration with friends and with each other. It is interesting, as the years go by, how much more I enjoy and cherish these holidays, as chaotic and disorderly as they may be. I get pretty stressed around Christmas time because I have an irrational resentment of gifts, materialism, and things of the like, but I was able to get past that. I painted a number of pictures for my family as gifts, I had a lot of fun doing it, so I guess that is what matters. For New Years, I got to spend it with the Youth at Calvary, as I have the previous years. I ran sound for the bands that we had play, and they did great! I was impressed by the high school band, they really did an excellent job for a bunch of young guys! I was super proud of them, I had each of them in my discipleship group at one point or another.

For once in a great while, I am short of words to say. Much else is on my mind, but I have not been able to organize my thoughts enough to be able to write them down. I hope you will forgive me for that. I wanted to take a minute and thank those who have given to my trip and chose to remain anonymous. I am unable to thank you personally if I don't know who you are. But that is okay, just know that I am grateful and that you are just as much a part of my trip as I am.

Please continue to pray for me as I continue with school and life. Anything and everything helps. Also, I know I have mentioned this before, but I would really love to get some hand written letters from people! Ha, I guess this looks like a desperate plea, and it may be. It is nice to know that people care. Don't be afraid to send me a letter! I'd love it, actually. I'll put my school address here since I don't know who does and doesn't have it:

Justin Thomason #714
2211 College View Dr.
Redding, CA 96003

I pray that God will bless you abundantly, and that you will respond with obedience to whatever He may call you to. I pray for the joy of His love to overflow from you and for grace to abound in your lives. Thank you for your support, your prayer, and your love.

I promise to write more next time.

-J