Greetings everyone!
Right now I would like to take a few minutes and wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I pray that this season is well spent with family and friends in celebration of the greatest gift God has given us. Even as our nation and our world strives to reject the true meaning of Christmas, I pray that you will stand firm in the faith and will boldly and without shame declare the coming and eventual return of Jesus.
As I type this, I am enjoying a quiet afternoon in Buckeye, AZ, where my parents currently live. We are, as it stands, a day past a week from the Christmas holiday, and its onset strikes me hard as I reflect on the year which has so swiftly passed. Where did the time go? What happened to the year? I remember at the beginning of the year when I looked ahead to this time, thinking to myself that it would come so slowly, and, as I do every year, I ended up eating my words. So much has happened this year; it has been quite the roller coaster. There is a long list of failures, but also a long list of blessings which accompany it. Which reminds me, in case anyone is confused about God, know this: God never stops giving.
When I last wrote, I was nearing the end of the semester and rapidly approaching finals. Well, I can gladly say that I made it through, and I am fairly confident in my final grades. I have, so far, received three out of six of my grades, all being A's so far. It feels good to say this, considering my grades for most of my previous college life. I do not want to slip, as I am trying to earn more scholarship opportunities by having good grades, so this is definitely a step in the right direction. One of the downsides of finals week was that I got really sick. Like an idiot, I didn't listen to Kendra when she suggested going and purchasing orange juice and water early in the week, and the result was a major cold and I was miserable for most of last week. I still am recovering from the last effects of it. For the record, in case any of you are wondering, if you begin to feel the onset of a cold, such as a tingle in the throat or a runny nose, I have a solution. Purchase (or just drink from your home) a gallon of water and a container of orange juice, such as Florida's Natural brand (which is my favorite) and consume them both within 24 hours. The orange juice boosts your immune system and the water purges your body. The earlier you catch it the better. Anyways . . . now I am about over it all, so I am doing my best to try to enjoy the break.
As you may be aware, this semester has seen its share of struggles, most of them have had to do with finances, but even further than that, many have also dealt with God's presence in my life. I had a series of issue this month, and on top of the stress of the last two weeks of school and being sick, I found myself at an interesting place in my heart. My drive home from school on Thursday the 12th was typical in that it was not a new drive, but this time, driving home brought many tough feelings and tougher questions to mind. The rush of the semester was wearing off, I was physically and mentally spent, and I was sick. I began to think about next semester and what it is going to take to get through it, and especially of what it is going to take to even get to the next semester. I began to feel overwhelmed. The thought crossed my mind maybe I shouldn't go back to school and maybe I should never have gone to school. Soon, I began to think of how insane it was that I, having no money or resources, was trying to attend college. I had made it that far with a lot of help from people, and so I knew I had been blessed to be able to even be at school for one semester. But now something felt different. I had long thought about whether or not I was making the right decisions, but never before had I legitimately felt that maybe I needed to stop or do something different. The thought frightened me. Great, another failure was the thought on my mind. Once again, I thought, I have proven that the only thing I am good at is starting something I cannot finish, trying to do something I am incapable of. I began to talk to God on the drive home. I asked God where He was, and why I couldn't feel him there. I asked Him if I was doing something wrong, if I was ignoring what He really wanted because of what I wanted. Then I said "Okay God, if this is what I'm supposed to be doing, then why have you left me alone in it? You say you love me and you know what I need. Where are you?" I began to explore my heart, and I realized that this semester I had grown cold in a lot of ways, and that there was a sort of bitterness creeping into my soul. It was at this time on the drive that a song came on, "The Shadow Proves the Sunshine," by Switchfoot. The words spoke what I thought I felt in my heart:
"My heart is darker than these oceans
My heart is frozen underneath.
We are crooked souls trying to stay up straight,
Dry eyes in the pouring rain
The shadow proves the sunshine, the shadow proves the sunshine.
Two scared little runaways hold fast to the break of daylight where
the Shadow proves the sunshine, the shadow proves the sunshine.
O Lord, why did you forsake me?
O Lord, don't be far away, away.
Storm clouds gathering beside me,
Please Lord, don't look the other way."
And at that time, my heart poured itself out. I prayed and I begged God to not let me be alone. It was rather pitiful actually, that after all I have seen and been through that now I would dare question God's presence. But it was how my heart felt. Later on, I got home, and I spent the evening trying to relax and recover from the lingering effects of my sickness. As the days since have unfolded, God has not only been around, He is actually making it very obvious. He is using people to help me and to speak things into my life that I needed to hear. God has really gone overboard, as if to say "Hey, do I have your attention now? Now, just so you get it through your head, I'm gonna keep going." It has been crazy. But I have been thankful. God still continues to work, as He always has.
Lately, I have been thinking about man's impact on God. Now, hear me, I do not believe that man has any power over God. But, I do think that man has been given power by God. Throughout scripture, you see times where men interceded with God and God was moved to do something different. Now, some people chalk that up to it having been God's intended plan all along. I do believe that God has plans, but I think in His infinite wisdom and capacity He has planned for many many different choices that we could make. I, and many others, have said in some situations the phrase "if it is God's will, it will happen." Now, my attitude has changed on this in some respects. I think God's will is that I obey Him and follow Him. Potentially, I could do that in seemingly endless numbers of ways. Do I have to be a teacher? No. Do I have to go on the Eastern Europe missions trip? No. But I don't think God inherently says no or yes to anything. I think we get really obsessed with trying to know God's blueprint for our lives, when God really just wants us to obey his commands in all situations. That means loving Him and loving others, but not simply in the sense of a word that we throw out like love. It includes behavior and choices. If what we do is not honoring to God or showing love to others, then we can be sure we are out of alignment with God's will. If we love God, we will do what He says, and live our lives and take care of our bodies in a way which honors the Creator. If we love others, we will do our best to treat them like Jesus would, we will strive to reach those who don't know God, because how could we say we love someone and still let them walk toward destruction? When we fall in line to these things, we stay within God's will for our lives. So, I think God honors us and does things when we fall in line with His will. There is blessing, and we can intercede with much success. Now, this being said, I think that God has also designed some things to be within our power. Back in Israel's day, God told them things that would happen, and they depended on how the Israelites lived. If well, then blessing followed, if bad, curses ensued. We all know what happened. God has also tasked us now to go out and make disciples. In the gospels, Jesus says that "the Gospel must first be preached to all nations" before the end will happen. I think we have been given the choice to either be part of God's plan, or not. I have wondered, though, if we are prolonging the second-coming because of a greater amount of disobedience among Christians, especially in America, at truly living for Jesus and the spread of the gospel. Just a thought I've had.
I am excited for the next semester. I am hoping for success as I have had for the last three to four months. Your prayer and support has been greatly appreciated, and I hope you will continue to pray for me as I walk through the rest of the school year. Specifically, pray for God's continued provision, for God to prepare and work in my heart for the semester and for the missions trip to Eastern Europe, and for God to continue to teach me and show me what it means to follow Him.
I myself am praying that God will continue to bless you all abundantly, and that every day you will be aware of His goodness and His love. I pray that as you walk in life, that it will be obvious that you are a follower of Jesus, and that you will be bold and proud to declare what the Lord has done for you. I pray that you will fearlessly answer whatever call is placed on you every day, and that you will run hard toward the prize that awaits those who are in Christ Jesus.
Thank you for the time you have spent reading my blog. I love you all, and I hope to see you soon.
-J
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Thursday, December 5, 2013
Semester Stretch
Hey everyone!
I hope that when you read this you are in good spirits, and I pray that my words provide encouragement and challenge you toward a closer relationship with Christ.
I do apologize for not updating during the middle of November. There was a lot going on, and there still is! At that time I was working on numerous projects, research papers, and other matters which deserved their due time. As a result, I was unable to give the necessary reflection and time which these blog posts deserve. Please forgive me for this, I know some of you are dedicated readers and have invested much love and time into my life, and I do not want you to feel that sharing life with you is not one of my priorities.
Now, to cover the previous month is an arduous task in itself, so I can only hope that I will do it the necessary justice. A month ago one of my best friends got married to the love of his life, and I was the Best Man at the wedding. It was a great opportunity and an honor to be named as such. I am truly happy for the bride and groom, and I pray they have a wonderful, long life together. Being part of a wedding is honestly not my favorite thing in the world, but I do not believe it is necessarily the weddings which give me sour taste. I feel a sort of dragging, down feeling at many different things other than weddings, such as graduations and promotions. Whether or not it is reasonable for me to feel so or not, I do feel many times that I have failed way too much in my life, and that I have not really amounted to anything. At those times, there are many who have worked to build me up and remind me that first and foremost I am a success because my heart is set on Jesus, and that no person in God's family is a failure, and that even past that, there are multiple types of successes, not just the ones that involve making millions of dollars or owning a big house or car. Yet still I struggle deeply with this. Perhaps because I know that I have not amounted to what I expected of myself. I could go on for days about the ways I consider myself having failed. But I will not go into that. What matters is what is ahead, and I seek to move forward toward the goals that God has put in front of me, and the doors that have been opened for me.
Speaking of which, I wrote briefly on Facebook about this, but I will also say it here that I have been selected to be part of a missions team at Simpson which will be going to Eastern Europe! Our objective is quite different than I am used to on missions teams, a fact which has troubled me very deeply for the last year or so. In short, we will spend time with University students which are mostly Muslim, and our goal is to speak Christ into their lives! So exciting! For a long time I have felt God's tug on me to share the gospel, like, to actually share it. With WORDS. I have had deep convictions in my heart and it has troubled me greatly, to wonder to myself if I have at any point completely missed the point of gospel sharing. It's great to do good things for people. Feed the homeless, awesome. Build somebody's house or fix their roof, swell. But to say that because I was kind to someone means that I shared the gospel with them? No... I'm no different than the next humanitarian. I'm supposed to be different. It is supposed to be clear that I am doing it a) because Jesus commands it, and b) because I want to share with them the hope in Christ that I have. If somebody doesn't say it, how the heck are they supposed to know it? So anyways, I went into this interview and I was told what we were doing, and that it was specifically calling for people who want to share the gospel by word and by living the word out with people, gosh, I knew it was just right. I knew it had to be right. I could never say no to a chance like that. God should be the one to say no, and I believe if I am not supposed to go, He will make it clear somehow. But I do not believe that I have the right to say no. If the opportunity to share Christ is there, how could I not do it? God doesn't present us with these things just so that we can say no. He wants us to be obedient to Him, even if it means we end up not actually doing what we were called to do. Does that mean God failed? Absolutely NOT! Do you think the message of Christ failed just because one of the disciples was martyred, or because Paul got locked in prison? NO! All of these things were part of obedience to whatever situation God set for His people. Paul wrote "Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ" and "it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him" (Phil 1:27,29). I do not believe that if I do not go on the missions trip that God has failed in my life, or that His plan in E.E. will fail. On the contrary, I know that God will do His purpose regardless! But how can I call myself a Christ follower if I am not willing to follow Him to death? (of course, I am not going to die if I don't go on the trip, I am merely suggesting the importance, the urgency, of following the commands of Jesus). So, many of you will receive a letter or email from me detailing a little of the trip and what to pray for, as well as some financial figures (those of you who know me will know that I cringe at this part). I do hope and pray that I can go, and if I do it will be only by God's grace that it will happen. I appreciate your prayer in this matter.
Outside of the wedding, the homework, and the missions topic, not much else has been going on. I am happy to say that I got to spend time with my family during the Thanksgiving break. I drove down from Redding to Manteca on Tuesday. The next day, I drove to Modesto and picked up Josh and Julia, my brother and sister, and we drove to Bakersfield, where we met my parents and my two youngest siblings. Why Bakersfield, you ask? Well, if you don't already know, my parents live in Arizona, approximately 7-8 hours from Bakersfield. We decided the best thing to do would be to meet. How unconventional!! A family of seven, including five adopted sons and daughters ranging from 13 to 27 years old, comprising of at least three distinctly different ethnicities, piling into an RV-Trailer for a traditional Thanksgiving meal of which at least half was prepared ahead of time by my parents, yes it was quite unconventional. But you know what? I care not for the location, I care not for the food. What matters is family. Being together. Oh the lengths that a family will go to be together! It is quite beautiful. We never really have to plan anything, save for the scheduling of arrivals and departures. We just simply meet, and life just flows. I am thankful for that. I'm thankful for no time constraints, for no rush, for no agenda; I am thankful for the chance to stop and just be family. A time I truly cherish. Seeing my family I feel is like seeing what God is all about. In the midst of many different personalities and ethnicities and good choices and bad choices, from the very best we offer to the very worst of our humanity, it was never about how different we are. It was only about being together. United as a family. Forgetting about the hurts and the struggles, and instead soaking in the joy of perfect moments of peace and grace. It truly was, and is, beautiful. And that we have the perfect father, our Lord, makes it even better. John wrote "See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!" (1 John 3:1). That is what I see. Not because we loved but because He loved us.
I have come to a place this month where I have become distressed at much of what I have heard from home. From visits and texts and calls, I have heard a lot of things that have troubled me. People are slandering each other, spreading lies and gossiping things which they neither know or understand. Many that consider themselves Christ followers are quick to point fingers at others for "big" sins while they themselves continue to commit "small" sins. There are those that condemn others but do not help bear their burden. People will talk to others about each other, but won't actually talk to each other. Factions, groups, cliques are being formed. There are some who are striving to serve and be involved but are doing it for completely selfish reasons. What has happened? I am not naive. I don't believe that this stuff never happened before. Still, I am appalled. James wrote "With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings . . . out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be" (James 3:9,10). John wrote "let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth," and "whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen" (1 John 3:18, 4:20). Paul instructs us to "be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love" (Eph. 4:2). Stop the slander! Stop the lies and gossip! Did you know that Jesus said that "the things that come out of a person's mouth come from the heart, and these defile them. For out of the heart come evil thoughts-- Murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander" (Matthew 15:18,19). You cannot say you love someone when the words out of your mouth, especially those behind their back, are not loving. Love is not about a feeling you get or a sense that you are currently happy with that person and their actions and words. Love is about how you can move them ultimately toward God, by demonstrating the love that God showed to us. Love is not a formula or a checklist. It is Jesus. I pray that there will be unity, forgiveness, mercy and grace.
God is moving in my heart. He never stopped moving. I am grateful for this, and I pray that I can continue to grow with him in faith and love and virtue. I have some things coming up, the semester is about to be over, I have to pay for a new semester and new books and such. I will have new classes to attend to, and I must maintain my work ethic. I have the E.E. missions trip which will involve raising money and growing and training with my team. Most importantly, I have the never-ending pursuit of Christ. Please pray for all these things, but especially pray that I am 100% in Christ, as he is 100% in me. I thank you for your love and support, and I pray that God may bless you abundantly so that you may bless others with the love He has poured on you.
Grace and peace in Christ,
-J
I hope that when you read this you are in good spirits, and I pray that my words provide encouragement and challenge you toward a closer relationship with Christ.
I do apologize for not updating during the middle of November. There was a lot going on, and there still is! At that time I was working on numerous projects, research papers, and other matters which deserved their due time. As a result, I was unable to give the necessary reflection and time which these blog posts deserve. Please forgive me for this, I know some of you are dedicated readers and have invested much love and time into my life, and I do not want you to feel that sharing life with you is not one of my priorities.
Now, to cover the previous month is an arduous task in itself, so I can only hope that I will do it the necessary justice. A month ago one of my best friends got married to the love of his life, and I was the Best Man at the wedding. It was a great opportunity and an honor to be named as such. I am truly happy for the bride and groom, and I pray they have a wonderful, long life together. Being part of a wedding is honestly not my favorite thing in the world, but I do not believe it is necessarily the weddings which give me sour taste. I feel a sort of dragging, down feeling at many different things other than weddings, such as graduations and promotions. Whether or not it is reasonable for me to feel so or not, I do feel many times that I have failed way too much in my life, and that I have not really amounted to anything. At those times, there are many who have worked to build me up and remind me that first and foremost I am a success because my heart is set on Jesus, and that no person in God's family is a failure, and that even past that, there are multiple types of successes, not just the ones that involve making millions of dollars or owning a big house or car. Yet still I struggle deeply with this. Perhaps because I know that I have not amounted to what I expected of myself. I could go on for days about the ways I consider myself having failed. But I will not go into that. What matters is what is ahead, and I seek to move forward toward the goals that God has put in front of me, and the doors that have been opened for me.
Speaking of which, I wrote briefly on Facebook about this, but I will also say it here that I have been selected to be part of a missions team at Simpson which will be going to Eastern Europe! Our objective is quite different than I am used to on missions teams, a fact which has troubled me very deeply for the last year or so. In short, we will spend time with University students which are mostly Muslim, and our goal is to speak Christ into their lives! So exciting! For a long time I have felt God's tug on me to share the gospel, like, to actually share it. With WORDS. I have had deep convictions in my heart and it has troubled me greatly, to wonder to myself if I have at any point completely missed the point of gospel sharing. It's great to do good things for people. Feed the homeless, awesome. Build somebody's house or fix their roof, swell. But to say that because I was kind to someone means that I shared the gospel with them? No... I'm no different than the next humanitarian. I'm supposed to be different. It is supposed to be clear that I am doing it a) because Jesus commands it, and b) because I want to share with them the hope in Christ that I have. If somebody doesn't say it, how the heck are they supposed to know it? So anyways, I went into this interview and I was told what we were doing, and that it was specifically calling for people who want to share the gospel by word and by living the word out with people, gosh, I knew it was just right. I knew it had to be right. I could never say no to a chance like that. God should be the one to say no, and I believe if I am not supposed to go, He will make it clear somehow. But I do not believe that I have the right to say no. If the opportunity to share Christ is there, how could I not do it? God doesn't present us with these things just so that we can say no. He wants us to be obedient to Him, even if it means we end up not actually doing what we were called to do. Does that mean God failed? Absolutely NOT! Do you think the message of Christ failed just because one of the disciples was martyred, or because Paul got locked in prison? NO! All of these things were part of obedience to whatever situation God set for His people. Paul wrote "Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ" and "it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him" (Phil 1:27,29). I do not believe that if I do not go on the missions trip that God has failed in my life, or that His plan in E.E. will fail. On the contrary, I know that God will do His purpose regardless! But how can I call myself a Christ follower if I am not willing to follow Him to death? (of course, I am not going to die if I don't go on the trip, I am merely suggesting the importance, the urgency, of following the commands of Jesus). So, many of you will receive a letter or email from me detailing a little of the trip and what to pray for, as well as some financial figures (those of you who know me will know that I cringe at this part). I do hope and pray that I can go, and if I do it will be only by God's grace that it will happen. I appreciate your prayer in this matter.
Outside of the wedding, the homework, and the missions topic, not much else has been going on. I am happy to say that I got to spend time with my family during the Thanksgiving break. I drove down from Redding to Manteca on Tuesday. The next day, I drove to Modesto and picked up Josh and Julia, my brother and sister, and we drove to Bakersfield, where we met my parents and my two youngest siblings. Why Bakersfield, you ask? Well, if you don't already know, my parents live in Arizona, approximately 7-8 hours from Bakersfield. We decided the best thing to do would be to meet. How unconventional!! A family of seven, including five adopted sons and daughters ranging from 13 to 27 years old, comprising of at least three distinctly different ethnicities, piling into an RV-Trailer for a traditional Thanksgiving meal of which at least half was prepared ahead of time by my parents, yes it was quite unconventional. But you know what? I care not for the location, I care not for the food. What matters is family. Being together. Oh the lengths that a family will go to be together! It is quite beautiful. We never really have to plan anything, save for the scheduling of arrivals and departures. We just simply meet, and life just flows. I am thankful for that. I'm thankful for no time constraints, for no rush, for no agenda; I am thankful for the chance to stop and just be family. A time I truly cherish. Seeing my family I feel is like seeing what God is all about. In the midst of many different personalities and ethnicities and good choices and bad choices, from the very best we offer to the very worst of our humanity, it was never about how different we are. It was only about being together. United as a family. Forgetting about the hurts and the struggles, and instead soaking in the joy of perfect moments of peace and grace. It truly was, and is, beautiful. And that we have the perfect father, our Lord, makes it even better. John wrote "See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!" (1 John 3:1). That is what I see. Not because we loved but because He loved us.
I have come to a place this month where I have become distressed at much of what I have heard from home. From visits and texts and calls, I have heard a lot of things that have troubled me. People are slandering each other, spreading lies and gossiping things which they neither know or understand. Many that consider themselves Christ followers are quick to point fingers at others for "big" sins while they themselves continue to commit "small" sins. There are those that condemn others but do not help bear their burden. People will talk to others about each other, but won't actually talk to each other. Factions, groups, cliques are being formed. There are some who are striving to serve and be involved but are doing it for completely selfish reasons. What has happened? I am not naive. I don't believe that this stuff never happened before. Still, I am appalled. James wrote "With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings . . . out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be" (James 3:9,10). John wrote "let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth," and "whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen" (1 John 3:18, 4:20). Paul instructs us to "be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love" (Eph. 4:2). Stop the slander! Stop the lies and gossip! Did you know that Jesus said that "the things that come out of a person's mouth come from the heart, and these defile them. For out of the heart come evil thoughts-- Murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander" (Matthew 15:18,19). You cannot say you love someone when the words out of your mouth, especially those behind their back, are not loving. Love is not about a feeling you get or a sense that you are currently happy with that person and their actions and words. Love is about how you can move them ultimately toward God, by demonstrating the love that God showed to us. Love is not a formula or a checklist. It is Jesus. I pray that there will be unity, forgiveness, mercy and grace.
God is moving in my heart. He never stopped moving. I am grateful for this, and I pray that I can continue to grow with him in faith and love and virtue. I have some things coming up, the semester is about to be over, I have to pay for a new semester and new books and such. I will have new classes to attend to, and I must maintain my work ethic. I have the E.E. missions trip which will involve raising money and growing and training with my team. Most importantly, I have the never-ending pursuit of Christ. Please pray for all these things, but especially pray that I am 100% in Christ, as he is 100% in me. I thank you for your love and support, and I pray that God may bless you abundantly so that you may bless others with the love He has poured on you.
Grace and peace in Christ,
-J
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