What Graduation Means to Me

Failure.

Today I walked across the stage at Simpson University and claimed my status as a college graduate. I heard my name called: "Justin Micah Price Thomason, with highest honors!" There were people out in the crowd that cheered for me as I walked across the stage and shook the hand of the university President. 

Me?

During the last two years, I have sought knowledge and wisdom, both academic and biblical, and I have been determined to demonstrate that I am capable of such tasks as doing papers and taking tests. I have spent many hours in the library, countless nights awake and accompanied by coffee, and had a fair share of outside tasks to attend to. Through these two years I resolved to not give up and to work hard.

Me?

In my own eyes, I have never done anything but fail. Fail as a son. Fail as a friend. Fail as a student. Fail as a Christian. Fail as a boyfriend. Fail as an athlete. Fail as a cousin/grandson/nephew/etc. Fail as an employee. You get the idea.

Failure.

I could point to numerous instances of failure in my life. I have failed to make sports teams. I have failed to get jobs done. I have failed to do my homework or pass classes. I have failed to keep in touch with my relatives. I have failed to continue friendships which have now long passed. 

As I reflect on this, I realize that at some point I realized that failure hurts. Whatever it was, whether sports, academics, relationships or anything else, failure meant that you were not good enough. In 1997, when I was in the second grade, my family moved to Danville, Illinois. On my first day at school (which was already into the school year), we had a spelling test. Upon receiving my results, I had red marks all over the page. I spelled the words correctly, but I did not use the same letter-writing style that they learned at that school. In 2000, when I was a sixth grader at Nile Garden, I did not make the flag football team. I loved football, and since age 5 (while living in Nebraska) I wanted nothing more than to play football at the University of Nebraska in Lincoln. But the roster was released, and I was nowhere to be found. I tried my hardest, and some said it was because they only allowed a certain number of sixth graders on the team. But I knew the real reason: it was because I was not good enough. These are just two stories out of many.

In 2004, when I moved to North Carolina, as a sophomore in high school, I decided to try my luck with the football team again. I emailed the coach and arranged to come to practice one day, in the assumption that I would obviously be on the team at some point and play in games. I went to the first practice, and in the first hour I got so overwhelmed and exhausted to the point where I could not think or breathe. In one circumstance, I went the wrong direction on a stance drill and collided with another player. The coach, being a coach, yelled at us to get up and told us we had to do up-downs because I went the wrong way. The other players tried to reason with the coach that I was new and did not know any better, but he still made us do it nonetheless. Afterward, in exhaustion, I walked with my head down to the coach and told him "I don't think I can do this, I need to go sit." So I went and sat down. Some of the players looked at me while they did drills and walked past. I sat there for about thirty minutes, and then thought these words out loud to myself:

I cannot fail.

Seems like the beginning of an inspirational story. I stood up and started walking. But I walked back to the locker room back toward the school, where I located my mom's cell phone that she let me borrow to let her know when to pick me up, and I called her and very calmly told her that I could get picked up. She came and got me, and asked me how it went. I remember saying, as straight-faced as I could muster: "it was alright, but it wasn't very fun. I do not think I want to go anymore." 

I used to wear glasses at that time. I had accidentally left my glasses in the coach's office when I was getting fitted for pads and a helmet. The next day, I walked into the coach's office, where he said "what do you need, Justin?" I replied: "Sorry, I forgot my glasses here yesterday." He gave them to me. That was the last time I saw him. Students from the team that were in my classes asked me later, "where did you go yesterday? Are you going to come back?" And my answer was: "No, I will not be back. I left because I realized I am unable to play because of health problems." You know what? Whenever my past involvement with athletics is brought up, I still will tell people that same thing. I still tell people that I did not play sports because my body was not cut out for it.

The truth is that at some point I resolved that I could not allow myself to fail again. But, in order to not fail, it meant I needed to stop doing things. I only would do things that I knew how to do. I only wanted to answer things that I already knew the answer to. I only knew that I could not allow myself to fail. I am not saying that I chose that moment to start telling myself this, but I believe this to be the first time I actually put this into practice. I decided that I had to make sure I was good enough, so I would never put myself in a position where I could ever be evaluated.

And what since then? I choose to not call people or places on the phone, such as businesses, institutions, or anything of the sort. If I play a game of NCAA Football on my video game system and am about to lose, I quit the game before it is over and shut it off so that it does not save the game. When I took classes at Modesto Junior College and did not remember to stay on top of my online work or if I was not doing well in the class, I would drop the class, even if it gave me a W. I do not try new things. I do not like swimming because I do not feel that I am good enough in appearance to wear swim attire. I do not like peer-editing or group work in school because I feel that I will not be smart enough for everyone else. I do not like going to the weight room or gym when there are others also there because I am embarrassed that I am not strong enough or skilled enough. I have tried to write music or literature or draw pictures but I give up and/or fail to show anybody because I do not think they will be good enough for anyone else.

I am too afraid to fail somebody that I fail everybody. I have missed weddings, graduations, and all the like, because I did not want to deviate from something I knew already. I wanted to be good enough for my boss, or my church, or my girlfriend, or my family that I often times would alienate many others. I have fallen into sin and temptations because I did not want to disappoint anybody.

I feel less-than because today, at the age of 26, I graduated with a four-year bachelor's degree that I should have achieved four years ago. Because I am six years past the age my parents were at when they got married, and I am not married still. 

I told somebody yesterday that I hated graduation ceremonies. I also mentioned that I hated weddings. I become very very cynical at these types of events, and sometimes it is because I dislike a lot of the cliche and ceremonial things. But deep down I think the reason I dislike them is because every time I attend one, or even hear about one, it is salt into an open wound. It reminds me that I have failed.

What does graduation mean to me?

Well, it means nothing . . . 

What does graduation prove? I spent two years to finish a degree, but I have witnessed multitudes of people skating by. Many, myself included, have gone through classes without a care in the world as to what we are actually learning and have approached it as just the means to a job. Just the means to a piece of paper. Many of us have procrastinated because, really, education just is not that important to us for us to spend time diligently working toward degrees. That's why we spend sleepless nights out at Denny's or in the library or in our lobbies. Sure, we have other worries, such as leadership, work, or other functions. But how much time do we waste on other things? And we have the nerve to get mad at our professors for assigning us work?! God forbid it, that we might actually have to work hard for our degree! Many of us spend our college career developing patterns of compartmentalization, prioritization, and procrastination that condition us to believe that some things just are not worth our time, and that to go above and beyond what is expected is something we do not have "time" or "energy" or "money" for. We push and prod our professors to make things as easy as possible, whether it be moving test dates, giving us study guides so that we do not have to work as hard to study, or cancelling homework or classes. And so even the least-deserving among us can come away with a college degree. But even when you move past that, what does a degree do for you? Gets you a better job? More money? Prestige? Maybe so, but many people with degrees end up not "using" them in their careers, and just because you get a degree does not make you a better person. So what if I have a diploma? Does that make me any better or worse than the next man or woman? 

. . . but graduation also means everything. 

I did not deserve to be walking across that stage today. I was not a good student in high school or my junior college years. I did not seek to highly achieve in anything, especially academics. I failed so many times and had a low GPA and was on a path to nowhere. I also was not a Christ follower. I was a self-proclaimed Jesus claimer but I did not submit my life to Him yet. But I was granted the second chance at living for Christ. And another few years later, I was additionally given a second chance in academics, and I was given the opportunity to go to Simpson. It was a time to start fresh. It was a time to be renewed, a time to demonstrate exactly what I was capable of. 

And two years later?

"Justin Micah Price Thomason, with Highest Honors!"

School was going to cost me. And it did. It cost me a lot of money, a lot of time, and a ton of comfort. I had no money to begin with and I was somehow supposed to take anything I got and spend it in order to go to school. School mean that I needed to spend time in classes, time studying, time doing homework and and time writing papers. Going to Simpson meant that I needed to walk away from what was comfortable in my living situation. It meant leaving a job that paid me well, it meant leaving a comfortable house, it meant giving up my own car. Going to Simpson meant I needed to leave my church family that I had grown so close to, even if it was for only a period of time. I had to spend time away from the relationships I had built and leave behind the comfortable patterns and routines of my life. So many times I wanted to stop school so I could go back to the way things used to be. So that I could be comfortable. But I did not give up, and I learned to trust in the Lord for strength.

Going to school cost me my pride. I was always the one that gave people money and helped people through their situation. I was proud that I could help, almost proud to the point where helping people was a point of prestige for me, even though I did not announce to the crowds that I was giving so much. But at school, I had nothing. I had no money, no house, no car of my own, and I had to accept the meals, the gifts, the cash, or anything else that was given to me. I had to learn that I also need help. So often I wanted to stop going to school so that I could stop being everyone's charity case. But I have learned to allow God to humble me and bring me low, that I may learn to accept His sovereignty and control, and that I may know that He is the provider of all.

And, in the process of going to school, God has taught me that He is always there to catch us when we fall. He has shown me that there is redemption. Our identity is not in what we see in ourselves or in what others see of us, but in the fullness and goodness and likeness of Jesus. Our God looks upon us with delight, as a father delights in the son which he loves so much. Failure does not define who we are. It simply reminds us of how far we have come. By the strength and goodness of God I may keep persisting though I do not know everything and though I cannot always succeed. When I sat at my computer and looked at the screen, dreading the ensuing hours and wondering whether or not I could make it through, the Father was still standing in front of me with His arms wide open, waiting for me to embrace Him as I walked forward in my tasks.

God does not scold us when we fail. We may receive punishment, we may feel the consequences of our actions, but God will never forsake us. But when we succeed, when we set our minds on what is above and we do our best with what we have been given, our Father lifts us up and celebrates with us. Imagine the elation of a young child as his father throws him up into the air and catches him over and over. Imagine the satisfaction of the child at the fact that his father delights in him. Imagine the joy the father feels at the sight of his smiling, laughing, joyful son. And now imagine that this celebration was just because the child finally learned to walk. Makes you wonder what tomorrow could be like.

And so, what does graduation mean to me? It is proof to myself that I am not a failure. That I am worthwhile.

And now that I have learned to walk, I pray that I may throw off all the rest of the things that have entangled me, that tomorrow may be a new day of renewal and renovation of my heart. That it will be another step toward healing as well as another step toward Christ-likeness. 

"Justin Micah Price Thomason, with Highest Honors!"

Me. Still so hard to believe.

O Lord, You have searched me and known me.
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
You understand my thought from afar.
You scrutinize my path and my lying down,
And are intimately acquainted with all my ways.
Even before there is a word on my tongue,
Behold, O Lord, You know it all.
You have enclosed me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is too high, I cannot attain to it.
Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there.
If I take the wings of the dawn,
If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea,
Even there Your hand will lead me,
And Your right hand will lay hold of me.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will overwhelm me,
And the light around me will be night,”
Even the darkness is not dark to You,
And the night is as bright as the day.
Darkness and light are alike to You.
For You formed my inward parts;
You wove me in my mother’s womb.
I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth;
Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;
And in Your book were all written
The days that were ordained for me,
When as yet there was not one of them.
How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand.
When I awake, I am still with You.
Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me and know my anxious thoughts;
And see if there be any hurtful way in me,
And lead me in the everlasting way.

Perspective

Hello everyone, it has been a while since I posted my long draft exploring Matthew 13. Wow that was a long read. I imagine that this is one of the reasons why nobody reads!!

Part of the reason for my writing tonight is that I am in a strange place where I have completed all of the homework I need to do for the week, but I have some stuff happening this week and next week that I don't feel up to starting. I am thinking a lot about perspective, as the title of this blog suggests. No, it is not third-person or first-person. No, it is not linear perspective or other spatial perspectives. It concerns, rather, looking at something with a different mentality.

As a good Relient K song has said: "Perspective is a lovely hand to hold."

Today, I had a dental appointment, and it was to get an extraction done on a tooth that got a root canal long ago. Basically, the tooth was never finished properly and so, a few weeks ago, remaining sections of tooth chipped off. Upon my initial visit to the dentist, it was confirmed that there would be no saving the tooth, and that it would need to be removed. Today's procedure was just that, and they also put in some bone graft so that, if I should so choose, I can get an implant put in.

A few weeks ago, my roommate discovered bug or two crawling on his pillow. He was confused and, due to the size of the bugs, thought it was just a case of some bugs that managed to get into our room and at that particular point happened to be on his pillow. Fast forward to a few days ago. I was sitting in our first-floor lobby preparing for a few extra hours-worth of homework, and he was getting ready to go to bed. As I began to take notes on my readings, my disgruntled roommate comes out and says "you're not going to believe this. I found them." In my confused curiosity, I got up and walked into our room where, to my dismay, he discovered not just a few bugs, but probably dozens of the exact same bugs on his bedframe. A closer inspection revealed that these were not the only bugs, in fact, they were just the biggest ones. Our inspection showed that there were probably hundreds of smaller, hard-to-see bugs on his bed, and probably hundreds of what appeared to be small eggs in the crevices and cracks of his wooden bed frame. Long story short, after checking my bed and other parts of the room, we essentially confirmed that we had a case of bed bugs. We slept on the floor that night. Yesterday and today we were tasked with washing all clothes, bagging and sealing all items in our room, and prepping for pest-control that will prevent us from inhabiting that space for the next week and a half.

Over the next few weeks, I am tasked with giving a presentation at our Student Research Symposium, doing three fundraisers for my WorldSERVE team, and performing a plethora of other functions either for homework, TA work, or other tasks that come up (like the last-second Driver's License Renewal that I did last week).

Did I mention my birthday was Sunday, bringing with it the mixture of hope, happiness, anxiety, stubbornness, wit, attitude, and apathy that comes along with it? I did have a good day, as far as doing homework most of the day was concerned. But, I did get to spend it with Kendra, and going to Red Robin with her was just right. Yet, I always feel unsettled about my birthday, because I'm too stubborn and driven to prove a point that I won't display the date or talk about it, and then because in some sense I do want people to genuinely care.

Perspective is a lovely hand to hold.

I realize that things could be a lot worse for me.

Yes, I had that problem where I needed to go to the dentist, but then again, I have the luxury of doing so, and yet I often neglect going to one (this is typically because of money, and let's face it, insurance only goes so far if you literally have NO money). The point of this is that, regardless of my decisions or circumstances, there is great access to medical care in this country. In fact, we are blessed that it is any profession at all. I made a joke a few days ago, saying "I just take comfort in the fact that the apostle Paul probably had really bad teeth too." And that is probably true. I am in a lot of pain right now, but that is due to having something removed. I can't even imagine what it would be like to have mouth problems and have absolutely no solution other than just yanking something out or rubbing something on it to see what happens. Never in my life have I been proud of the way my teeth looked, but I imagine that even just a few hundred years ago (and TODAY in some countries) teeth have just not looked so hot.

In some ways the very act of going to the dentist and getting a tooth yanked is SO MUCH of what the chosen path of life is like for myself and for many others. There is something inside of us that aches, or something that is broken, yet we simply try to overlook it, or we play it down like it is not that much of a problem. Or perhaps it will cost us too much to get looked at, so we don't bother. Yet these things fester and get worse. They become infections. Getting this tooth out was really uncomfortable, from the initial visit all the way through the operation, and it hurts like the dickens right now, but it was necessary to remove something that was wrong.

The bed bugs are an interesting thing because we are required to bag everything up and only take with us (after washing and inspecting) what we need to live and do school for the next week and half. I have thought long about this the last few days. The issue I have is that my roommate and I have probably the cleanest room in our entire Residence Hall (not simply my own testimony, everyone that has heard about it has made similar statements), and so we have been thinking, "Why us?"

I am trying to remember that of all the pest problems in the world, bed bugs might actually not be that bad. For one, I'm pretty sure I killed a black widow in my room the other day, so I imagine that if there were spiders infesting my room I would be enrolled in APU already. If it were termites, we probably would have broken our beds (and they may have been in the walls, too). If it were mice, well, that's just gross. In addition, I think of places in the world where people have fleas, bedbugs, mice, and other critters all the time. I imagine people that live in countries where, if they get some sort of wound, they can get bugs in their wounds. I think of when people get worms because of bad sanitation or bad food. Gosh, my problem doesn't really seem that bad. Actually, I realize I am more upset about having to do the work to pack stuff up and live in a different place.

And what shall I say about the things to be done in the next few weeks? Everyone has their share of work.

I am not the only one who is busy, or who is going through things. I think that is something that we forget today. We act like our problems are so great and as if we were the only ones going through anything. We become impatient with each other, we become easily angered. We say things we don't mean, and then we chalk it up to "having a lot on my mind," or "going through a lot," or "I'm just tired and busy." Having problems is not a ticket to mistreatment of others, it ought to be an opportunity to let someone else help, or be there. Sometimes, we tell ourselves (or others) that we don't want to burden other people with our problems. Why are we so arrogant? So, are we saying that people won't be able to handle life if we share with them this insanely huge thing we are carrying? As if to say that our problems are so great that they sway all of creation? What a lack of humility we have!

All this stuff is going down, but I must do my best to keep my eyes on God most of all. Because Perspective is a lovely hand to hold.  And God's perspective for me is this: Keep your eyes on God, keep sight of what is eternal and do your best to live for the eternal. You do this by being a witness to who God is and what He has done, and by acknowledging his Lordship in all things and adding people to that number. And so, maybe I am one tooth down. But maybe that one tooth being gone gives me a chance to share the kingdom with someone.

And this is my hope: that I may be kingdom minded. I hope that, whether it is going through financial hardship, whether it is a burden I am carrying, whether I am being persecuted, or whether I am facing death, that I might stand up for righteousness and that I might be counted worthy of the Gospel of Jesus. Because if I approach all things with that perspective, then I always have the right perspective because I am always seeing clearly: right to God.

If I may share some prayer requests...

I am coming up on a financial deadline for WorldSERVE, and so I ask that you pray that God provides as He sees fit; that he will touch hearts to give and that he will give me arms strong for the tasks ahead to earn money.

Further on finances, outside of the trip, I am having to pay one more payment for school, so I need to make sure I have about $350 to cover that. So whether through funding from someone, or through TA hours, please pray that God will also provide this.

Please pray for my WorldSERVE team, that we may love each other better and ultimately love God more. Pray that we will continue to diligently prepare, and always giving 100% throughout the process.

Please pray for my home church, Calvary Community, as they embark on a number of changes. Pray for good attitudes and hearts that are aligned to Christ, so that people may not simply accept or reject things.

Please pray for my health and for my studies, and that I will finish out the school year strong and get things ready to embark on post-grad work!

Thank you. My love to all of you in Christ

-J

An Exploration of Matthew 13's Parable of Weeds

What I have decided to do tonight is explore a concept that is not so easily understood in today's western Christianity. I have long considered how best to approach subjects such as these, and rather than do small blurbs on Facebook that have no meat to them, I want to write longer expositions about these things, where I am free to go into greater detail (and whoever wants to read them will actually do so). Before I begin, I want to emphasize that much of what I talk about is the subject of much personal reflection. There is not a single concept that I consider important for others and not for myself. It is important to understand this, because I can foresee confusion and, as a result, perhaps some anger or frustration, that will lead to responses that are ill-thought. If you come out of these things challenged, convicted, or at least thoughtful, that's all I can hope for. My purpose is not to condemn, confound, or accuse. What I seek is understanding, and I hope that doing this will be a helpful way to explain what I am thinking through and will help you think more about these subjects.

One of the worst things that I have seen these days is people sitting in churches all over simply accepting whatever is said. Or worse, there are those church-hoppers or once-a-month/year attendees that find a reason to disagree just so that they don't have to commit or can find a reason to ignore what God is actually about. I have noticed much of the former, and tried hard myself to not be the latter. Oddly enough, there is quite a lot wrong with much of the teachings today, because we have come to a point where we are convinced of offering truth in the most plush, comforting way possible. Yet, we should not be too instantly critical, nor should we back out at any sign of wrong. Thing is, if we all were to stop attending a church for something that was not communicated or acted upon exactly to biblical standard, we would never go to any church, ever. No church is perfect. I do, however, want to take the opportunity to rebuke, correct, and teach to the best of my ability. Now, back to my first comment about people that accept anything they hear for a moment. I may venture to say that these people are more harmful to the church than those who object, argue, or question. The thing is, we need to not so readily accept what we hear, lest we become the same people that the New Testament writers warned against. Everything needs to be tested by Scripture and by God's word to us all. I might consider that God will give us a Spirit of understanding and wisdom if we ask Him to and if we approach Him in all earnestness and love, not for selfish reasons. Thus, what I am doing here is looking just at Scripture and trying to understand the main points of it all. I want to discern what it is trying to say, and I want to ask questions and explore possibilities. I will do my best to clearly explain my thoughts, and I also will clearly note when I am giving my own opinion on things. The point is, here are some things to think about, and I hope you will find it in your hearts to take all the matters of God seriously, and that it may lead you to a deeper understanding of and relationship with God.

One last thing, as I alluded in the opening sentence. This subject is not easily understood anymore, and it amazes me that we understand so little about it, considering Jesus goes through so much trouble to tell us so much about it. The subject is the Kingdom of God.

First up for tonight, to make things interesting, is the Parable of the Weeds. This one I want to tackle first because of a conversation I had with my roommate about this. Here is the text of the Weeds parable (NIV):

Jesus told them another parable: "The kingdom of heaven is like a man who sowed good seed in his field. But while everyone was sleeping, his enemy came and sowed weeds among the wheat, and went away. When the wheat sprouted and formed heads, then the weeds also appeared. The owner's servants came to him and said, 'Sir, didn't you sow good seed in your field? Where then did the weeds come from?' 'An enemy did this,' he replied. The servants asked him, 'Do you want us to go and pull them up?' 'No,' he answered, 'because while you are pulling the weeds, you may uproot the wheat with them. Let both grow together until the harvest. At that time I will tell the harvesters: First collect the weeds and tie them in bundles to be burned; then gather the wheat and bring it into my barn.'" . . . He answered, "The one who sowed the good seed is the Son of Man. The field is the world, and the good seed stands for the people of the kingdom. The weeds are the people of the evil one, and the enemy who sows them is the devil. The harvest is the end of the age, and the harvesters are angels. As the weeds are pulled up and burned in the fire, so it will be at the end of the age. The Son of Man will send out his angels, and they will weed out of his kingdom everything that causes sin and all who do evil. They will throw them into the blazing furnace, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. Then the righteous will shine like the sun in the kingdom of their Father. Whoever has ears, let them hear."

A pretty relevant illustration for the time. There are some things to note right off the bat. Jesus explains his parable, so we have some of the work done for us here. The sower is the Son of Man. We could go into many different explanations of what Jesus meant by "Son of Man." It is a reference to the "one like a son of man" from the Old Testament book of Daniel. One explanation of this is that Jesus uses the word to describe himself and his person. In this sense, Jesus himself would be saying that the wheat that has been sown is all sown by him, which is another indication of the idea of the three-in-one God. Another explanation is that "Son of Man" is a reference to Israel, or perhaps what Israel was supposed to be. The grounds for this are based in connections between the books of Isaiah, Daniel, and Psalms. Israel tended to understand themselves as God's son, or child. This explanation is a bit provocative, because it implies Israel's former occupation as the kingdom of priests. As we understand, Israel was intended to bless other nations by its relationship to God. So, if this was Jesus' intent by using "Son of Man," then we might understand Israel (or now, those who are followers of Christ) as the ones sowing the good seed, thereby creating more people of the kingdom. Whichever you prefer, what is obvious is that there is a field (the world) that has good seed (people of the kingdom) sown throughout. There is also an enemy (the devil) that sows weeds. A quick word here, weeds are useless. They are not pretty, so they do not contribute to the beauty of the world, and you do not harvest them to eat them, so they do not contribute to food. All of this, plus they take up nutrients that are supposed to help the wheat (or other crops, for that matter) grow and they can choke out the good plants. So we have here a pretty clear picture of good sowing good things and evil sowing bad things.

The next thing that Jesus explains is that, at the harvest, the weeds (everything that causes sin and all who do evil) are first pulled up, bundle, and thrown into the fire, while the wheat (the righteous) will be gathered into the barn (shine like the sun in the kingdom of their Father). Again, there are some pretty clear things that we can take from this. There are two clear distinctions of people, and there are two clear destinations for people that fit into the distinctions. There is fire for the people who do evil and cause sin, and there is the kingdom for those who are righteous. Without sounding too much like the streetcorner preacher with fire and brimstone, I must conclude that there is a heaven, or eternal paradise, and there is a hell, or a place of eternal damnation. There is also clearly an end of the world, or an end of the age, as it was said in the passage. From this, we can conclude a few things about this picture. First, no, the idea of "hell" is not the chaos, pain-ridden world we live in now. Not even close. Second, it appears that the righteous and sinful are handled at the end of the age, or at the end of the world. It may appear to some that this is indication or proof of purgatory, but it is not (more on this later).

Now, we come to the portion that might make people feel a little uncomfortable. It is at this point that, in order to explore different options or to give answers, I will also reference other parts of Scripture for insight. I mentioned that it is clear that there are two beings that sow two different kinds of people. The question, then, is this: if we are "planted," does that mean that we have no free will? Are we predestined to be either sown as wheat or sown as weeds? The Calvinists might rush in and say "told you!" However, I think we might be able to respond with a few things. First, I don't believe that Jesus' intention here was to tell people "hey, some of you are destined to be followers but the rest of you, sorry!" Instead, the purpose of the parable was to explain that the people of the kingdom and the people of sin will grow and live together until the end of the age, but that, ultimately, evil will be separated out. Even though the enemy intended on causing chaos in the field (world), at the time of the harvest, all will be separated out. When weeds and wheat are not fully grown, it is difficult to tell the difference between the two. However, when the wheat is fully grown and ready for harvest, it looks different and can be easily distinguished from the weeds.

Now, a better set of questions that will bake your noodle, and these will require some close following: If the enemy can also sow, and what he sows is different, does that mean the enemy can create? Then, if the enemy can sow what he created (weeds, sin) into the same field (world), is it possible that the evil people in the world are never meant to be saved? And is it possible that, in this case, they aren't really people and are just meant to look like us? Yes, I know, this is all crazy and complicated. Let me try to explain these one at a time.

God creates. He also created us with the ability to create. Does the devil also have this ability? If he does, then it means that he has some creative power that can have great influence in our field (world). I am inclined to consider this point of view, if for no other reason, because if I believe that what God created was good, and that when he created man he created man and woman equally, then I would have to believe that he didn't create two classes of human beings. Remember from the parable that it wasn't two types of wheat sown, it was wheat and weeds. Two completely different things. I have a hard time believing that God created two classes of humans and then decided that one wasn't good and that he allowed the devil to keep that one for himself. It is actually very easy for me to believe that evil was created by somebody other than God.

Now, to tackle the second question: is it possible that the evil people in the world are never meant to be saved? I have a hard time with this one. With the countless Old Testament examples of people from outside Israel being given quarter among them and the New Testament examples of Gentiles believing in Jesus Christ, I have a really hard time thinking that anyone is out of reach of God. So we might ask, can God in His infinite power change a weed into wheat? If I believe God is all-powerful, then yes, I would say that is within the realm of His power. But I also know that God's ways and thoughts are not like ours (Isaiah 55:8-9), so while I would say he can do those things, I cannot venture to say whether or not he would. There are examples in Scripture that indicate God's willingness to change the circumstances or forms to bring them to him, including the easy-to-remember one in Romans 11 about ingrafted branches. In that passage, Paul talks about God taking the Gentiles, which are of a wild olive plant, and grafting them into the cultivated olive tree, which is where Israel was supposed to be. Now, the problem with this is that, at least in Paul's example, both trees were still olive trees. We are dealing with two completely different types of plants in the parable example. In addition, we might have to question the weeds' capacity for change, and again whether or not God would go through with it anyway. Therefore, I am not comfortable making any sort of final statement concerning that question. However, trying to answer the next question gives an alternative, albeit an unusual one.

Is it possible that those sown or created by the devil and put into our world are not real? Ah, the old philosophical question of what is or isn't real comes up. Luckily, I'm not going to delve into that. I will simply use the word "real" as it relates to our perceptions that we have in our world, including what we can see, smell, taste, hear, and touch. As Christians, we believe in a God that we cannot, by our world's standards, see, smell, taste, hear, or touch. Now, we claim we can do each of these things, but these experiences are extra-sensory, meaning that in order for them to happen, there needs to be something beyond what our normal senses can do. This is usually where the Holy Spirit comes in. I say these things to help you understand that our idea of reality based on senses is not necessarily concrete. It stretches and contracts as our understandings and experiences permit. Now, we as Christians also have a common saying that goes something like this: "Don't listen to the devil's lies." So, in our daily lives we acknowledge that the devil has some power to influence what we hear, and we can extend this to say that we acknowledge the devil has power to influence our minds. Think about that. If that is true, then it is possible that the influence of the devil can distort our view of what is real. Now, if we keep this in mind and return to the question posed, we can start offering up explanations. Let's say that the weeds sown by the devil are not real, or that, if they are real, they are not like us, never were meant to be like us, and are only around to steal our nourishment and choke us. If that is so, then you could start to imagine tragedy, devastation, and death in a different light. What if some of the bad things that we heard have happened out there were designed by the devil to appear a certain way so that we might question God? Or perhaps even the things we experience first-hand, what if those things were designed to appear in such a way to make us doubt? Think about it. Do we not all agree that the devil is trying to direct us away from God? Do you think he would stop short of anything to do so? Keep in mind, I am not saying that tragedies don't legitimately happen. Of course, we could ask different questions about those types of things (I am actually working on writing something for that too).

So we can see that this parable raises some interesting questions, but none of them are totally answered by itself or by the rest of Scripture. There are other questions that might arise that I did not mention. A note that I mentioned earlier: I said that some might view the gathering of wheat and weeds at the end times to be proof of purgatory. I will say that I believe it is not the case, and I will quickly offer you my explanation, though I could go more in depth and may choose to do so in another post at another time. My belief is that, once a person has died, their perception of time as we experience in our reality is no longer applicable. They might then move into a similar sense as described of God in Psalm 90 or 2 Peter 3, where a day is like a thousand years and a thousand years is like a day. So, even if they have died one hundred years ago, according to a person living on earth still, the person who died essentially is not part of the same time that the one on earth is. So the next person might die and they both instantly become part of the same reality again, only where time is not of the same value. I believe that it is in this way that those who have died before us, a day, a year or 1000 years before us will experience the end days at the same time as we who are still alive. So, if someone were to ask me if my grandma, who passed away in 2007, was in heaven or not, I might be inclined to answer both yes and no. I would say no because, as far as I have personally experienced, the end times has not come, so she would not have yet been admitted into paradise. Yet, I would also say yes because, perhaps according to my grandma's reality and within the scope of eternity, heaven has come and even I am there with her. Seems complicated, I know. But it is an interesting and, I feel, proper way to view the working of death as it relates to the end times.

So, these are some things that I have been thinking of, and I hope to do more posts like these soon. The final thoughts I would like to share about all this is that these are simply thoughts and, in some cases, beliefs that I have formed. I will not venture to say that all of these things are right or that Jesus was trying to say all these things in one little parable. I do not believe that these were the purposes of the parable. However, I think that they do raise many of these questions, questions that the Bible often does not answer. I think Scripture is important enough and the words of God are important enough to think on these things. I think that how we think of God and how we think of His kingdom, the world, reality, and life are extremely important. I hope you will feel the same way. I hope you come away thinking more deeply about aspects of Scripture and life. I would say there is no such thing as pointless talk about subjects like these, so long as we entertain them in the hopes of understanding, seeing, and hearing God better.

Thank you for reading, I know it was long.

Grace and peace.

-J